Canon 1055 §1 of the Code of Canon Law (1983) (The book of the laws of the Catholic Church), states that: “The marriage covenant, by which a man and a woman establish between themselves a partnership of their whole life, and which of its own very nature is ordered to the well-being of the spouses and to procreation and upbringing of children, has, between the baptized, been raised by Christ the Lord to the dignity of a sacrament.”
Accordingly, Canon 1056 of the same Code also says “The essential properties of marriage are unity and indissolubility; in Christian marriage they acquire a distinctive firmness by reason of the sacrament.
Marriage holds a significant place within the Catholic faith, and it is regarded as a sacred union blessed by God. However, there may be misconceptions that a good Catholic marriage is exhausting and burdensome due to the perceived constraints and expectations placed upon couples. In reality, a good Catholic marriage can be dynamic, fulfilling and an avenue for personal spiritual growth. By exploring the principles and values underlying a Catholic marriage, we can understand why it is far from being mundane and burdensome.
A key aspect of a good Catholic marriage is the shared faith between the spouses. Rather than being a burden, this shared faith becomes a source of strength and unity. Couples who strive to grow in their spiritual journey together find solace in their shared beliefs, rituals, and values. The practice of prayer, attending Holy Mass and engaging in spiritual activities as a couple can deepen their bond and provide a sense of purpose and fulfilment.
In Catholicism, marriage is a sacrament, a visible sign of God’s grace and love. The sacramental nature of a Catholic marriage brings numerous blessings to the couple. Through the sacrament, spouses receive divine assistance, guidance and support in their marital journey. This infusion of grace enables them to face challenges, forgive one another and grow in love. Rather than being burdensome, the sacramental graces bestowed upon a Catholic marriage bring joy, strength and a deeper connection between spouses.
I have never understood people who openly complain about their relationships and their spouses. If you constantly complain about the person you have chosen to spend your life with, what does that say about you? To be clear, I am not talking about hard times; because life will surely deliver hard times. Also, I am not talking about confiding in a friend when you are struggling. Yes, please do that. I am talking about the nit-picky, name-calling casual complaining we all hear around the water cooler and on social media. I speak of the grumpy man I saw at the Walmart shopping centre. He was shopping with a woman and he looked at me to commiserate. “They sure like to spend money, don’t they?” he scoffed. He had no idea who he was talking to, yet he very easily assumed that his complaints would land on an empathetic ear.
Relationships are hard work, and it takes two people agreeing that their marriage or otherwise committed relationship is in fact foundational and worth protecting. Marriage is about deciding on what you want, who you want to make a life with, and then working together to mould that relationship into a daily practice that supports those relationship goals. Together you get to decide what your relationship looks like, and it is different for everyone.
There are a lot of social media posts spreading the message that marriage is a burden for women. Marriage should not be a burden for anyone, and if you marry a person who shares your same values and does not bring antiquated assumption to the relationship, it will not be. These are the conversations couples must have prior to getting married.
What does marriage look like to you?
If a woman meets a man who thinks there is such a thing as “women’s work” and expects his wife to cook, clean and care for the children but that is not her expectation in a marriage, then they need to have hard conversations or maybe they should not get married. Marriage and committed relationships do not come with a predetermined set of rules. You get to determine what your marriage looks like.
A good Catholic marriage is built on the foundation of commitment and sacrificial love. This commitment is not a burden but a conscious choice to prioritize the well-being and happiness of one’s spouse. It involves selflessness, putting the needs of the other before one’s own, and embracing the call to love as Christ loved. This sacrificial love fosters a profound intimacy, trust and emotional fulfilment within the marriage, far from the notion of boredom or burden.
In a successful marriage, husband and wife share responsibilities and work together as a team. This sharing of burdens creates synergy (interaction) that lightens the load for both individuals. From household chores to financial obligations, the division of labour in a good marriage ensures that no one person is overwhelmed with the burden of managing everything alone. Sharing responsibilities fosters a sense of unity and cooperation, making the marriage a source of support rather than a burden.
If marriage feels like a burden, it is probably time for some real conversations with your spouse. Mrs. Simpson shared this story with me: “My first marriage ended in divorce, and I have tried to learn from that experience. My husband and I have been together for 16 years. What I have learned most is that honest and open communication is the most important gift you can give in a marriage. Shutting down in an argument or walking away from hard conversations only fuels resentment. You have to be willing to stick with those rough talks. Stay in it, be honest and really fight for that relationship together. The scariest part is that you cannot control if your partner does not want to put in the work or have deeply vulnerable conversations. You can only show up as your whole self and hope they will too. Also, it is important to note that no one should stay in an abusive relationship. Please, find someone to help you if this is you”.
“When I walk into a crowded room”, continued Mrs. Simpson, “I want my husband to feel like the luckiest man in the room. That is my goal. Not because I do all the laundry and wash all the dishes (I do not). But because he knows he is so loved and that no matter what is happening in the world, we are there for each other and we will make it through. We always know where we stand in our relationship together”.
Catholic marriages find enrichment through the support and guidance of the larger Catholic community. The Church provides a nurturing environment where couples can seek guidance from experienced mentors, participate in marriage enrichment programs and connect with other Catholic families. The sense of belonging and support helps couples grow in their marriage, fostering a vibrant and fulfilling relationship that extends beyond their own partnership.
One of the fundamental aspects of a good Catholic marriage is the emotional support and companionship it offers. In a healthy marriage, husband and wife provide a safe space for each other to express their feelings, share joys and sorrows, and navigate life’s challenges together. When faced with difficulties, having a loving and understanding wife or husband by your side provides immense comfort and strength. The emotional bond nurtured in a good marriage becomes a pillar of support, reducing the burdens of life and enhancing overall well-being.
A good marriage promotes personal growth and development for both husband and wife. In a supportive and loving environment, spouses encourage each other to pursue their dreams, passions and goals. They become each other’s cheerleaders, offering motivation and constructive feedback. A husband or wife who genuinely desires your growth and happiness can inspire you to reach your own potential. A good marriage provides an environment where personal burdens can be transformed into opportunities for growth and self-improvement.
A fulfilling and happy marriage is far from being a burden. It creates a deep sense of contentment and satisfaction in both husband and wife’s lives. The joy of sharing life’s triumphs, celebrating milestones, and cherishing intimate moments is unparalleled. A good marriage provides a strong foundation for happiness, allowing each spouse to thrive and find solace in the company of their life partner. The burdens of life are more easily faced and overcome when there is love, understanding, and happiness within the marriage.
Contrary to the notion that marriage is a burden, a good Catholic marriage brings immense joy, support and personal growth to both parties. It offers emotional support, shared responsibilities, personal development and fulfilment. A strong and loving marriage becomes a sanctuary where burdens are shared, lightened and transformed into opportunities for growth. When nurtured with love and commitment, a good Catholic marriage is a source of strength and happiness that enriches the lives of both individuals involved.
Marriage, a sacred bond between two individuals, viz. male and female, has been an integral part of human society for centuries. It is a commitment that brings two people together, providing love, support and companionship. While some may perceive marriage as a burden, I firmly believe that a good marriage is never a burden. In fact, it is a source of happiness, personal growth and mutual support.
References
The Code of Canon Law (1983). Vatican City: Libreria Editrice Vaticana
Abate, A. (1985). Il matrimonio nella nuova legislazione canonica, Rome.
Feldkamp, J. B. (2023). A good marriage is never a burden. Lock Haven Express Edition
